What to do if your child is being bullied
7 min read
When a child says "someone is being horrible to me", most parents feel a rush of anger, fear and helplessness all at once. That is normal. What your child needs in that moment, though, is mostly calm.
How common is bullying?
Very. A 2024 study of almost 45,000 pupils in England, analysed by Goldsmiths, University of London, found 23% experience frequent face-to-face bullying. Rates were higher for children with special educational needs or disabilities (29%) and from low-income families (Anti-Bullying Alliance, 2024).
The same research showed 72% of pupils had been victimised at some point, and 23% had experienced cyberbullying (Anti-Bullying Alliance, 2024 report).
Bullying also affects school attendance. Department for Education research with Year 10 pupils found that 21% of those bullied daily had truanted in the past year, three times the rate of those not bullied (Anti-Bullying Alliance).
Signs your child may be being bullied
Many children do not say so directly. Watch for:
- not wanting to go to school, or sudden stomach aches on school mornings
- lost or damaged belongings
- changes in mood, sleep or appetite
- going quiet after using their phone
- avoiding friends they used to see, or no longer being invited to things
- unexplained anger at home, where it feels safe to let go
When your child tells you
The Anti-Bullying Alliance's advice starts with: don't panic. Your role is listening, calming and reassuring them that things can get better when action is taken (Anti-Bullying Alliance). In practice that means:
- Thank them for telling you. Say clearly that coming to you was the right thing to do.
- Make it clear it is not their fault.
- Promise not to act without talking to them first. Fear of making it worse is one of the main reasons children keep bullying secret.
- Write things down. A simple diary of dates, what happened and who was there is very useful when you speak to school.
- Do not encourage hitting back. Retaliation can get your child hurt and labelled as the problem. Walking away and getting help is the safer path (Anti-Bullying Alliance).
- Ask what they would like to happen next. Children who help shape the plan feel less powerless.
Working with the school
Every school in England must have a behaviour policy that covers bullying. Ask to see it. Then:
- Request a meeting with the class teacher or head of year. Bring your diary.
- Agree specific actions and a date to review them.
- Follow up in writing so there is a record.
- If nothing changes, raise it with the head teacher, then the governors through the complaints process.
Try to stay focused on your child's safety rather than punishment for the other child. Schools respond best to a parent who is firm, specific and calm.
Online bullying
For cyberbullying, help your child screenshot messages before blocking, and report accounts on the platform. Avoid taking their phone away as a response, as children often stop telling adults if they fear losing their device.
Rebuilding confidence
Bullying can leave a child feeling they are the problem. Activities outside school, where they have a fresh start and can succeed, help a great deal (Anti-Bullying Alliance). So does practising what to say, such as a short, confident "Stop. I don't like that" and knowing which adult to go to.
That kind of rehearsal is exactly what MySafeTherapy's stories are designed for. Children work through friendship and boundary scenarios in a safe space, so the words are more ready when they are needed.
Get support
- Childline: 0800 1111, free for children
- Kidscape parent advice line, through kidscape.org.uk
- If your child is in danger, call 999
How MySafeTherapy can help
One of the six skills MySafeTherapy teaches is recognising when help is needed and approaching a safe adult. Teen activities such as The rumour and Keep it between us let young people rehearse what to say and who to tell, and the kids' stories help younger children practise speaking up. Rehearsing in a safe space can make telling you feel less frightening.
You can try MySafeTherapy grow free.
If you or your child would like more support, MySafeTherapy also offers therapy for families. You can talk with a qualified, UK-registered therapist online, whether that is a parent consultation about what is happening at home, one-to-one support for your own stress or low mood, or family sessions. Find a therapist at MySafeTherapy.
Your own mental health matters too
Looking after a child who is struggling can affect your own wellbeing. If you have been feeling low, anxious or overwhelmed for more than a couple of weeks, talking therapy can help. In England you can refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies without seeing a GP, or speak to your GP anywhere in the UK. The YoungMinds Parents Helpline (0808 802 5544) offers free advice to parents worried about their child.
Sources
This article is general information, not medical advice. If you're worried about your child or yourself, speak to your GP, or call NHS 111. In an emergency call 999.