How to talk to your teenager about their mental health
7 min read
Teenagers often go quiet just when parents most want them to talk. That silence is usually not rejection. It is part of growing independence, mixed with not knowing how to put feelings into words.
Why it matters now
In 2023, about 1 in 5 children and young people in England had a probable mental disorder. That was 20.3% of 8 to 16 year olds and 23.3% of 17 to 19 year olds (NHS England Digital, 2023). Among older teens and young adults, rates were twice as high for young women as for young men.
Being able to talk to a trusted adult does not solve everything, but it matters. YoungMinds puts it simply: when young people can share what they are going through and feel understood, difficult feelings become a little easier to manage (YoungMinds).
Signs a teenager may be struggling
Every teen has moody days. Look for changes that last two weeks or more:
- withdrawing from friends or activities they used to enjoy
- changes in sleep or eating
- falling grades or not wanting to go to school
- irritability or anger that seems new
- spending much more time alone in their room or online
- talking about feeling hopeless, worthless or a burden
Starting the conversation
Pick your moment. YoungMinds' advice, gathered from parents, is to notice when and where your teen is most relaxed, and to wait until they are calm if they are upset (YoungMinds).
Go side by side. Talking while driving, walking the dog or cooking is often easier than face to face. Not having to make eye contact takes the pressure off (YoungMinds).
Check in regularly, not only in a crisis. Mind encourages trusted adults to make regular time to ask how things are going, rather than waiting until a young person is struggling (Mind).
Try open questions. "How have things been with your friends lately?" works better than "Are you OK?", which invites a one-word answer.
Look after your own state first. If you are exhausted or cross, it is harder to respond well (YoungMinds).
When they do open up
- Listen more than you speak. Resist the urge to fix it straight away.
- Reflect back what you hear. "So it sounds like you feel left out since the group chat started."
- Stay calm, even if what you hear is frightening. A big reaction can make them regret telling you.
- Thank them. Telling you took courage.
- Be honest about confidentiality. You can keep most things private, but not if they are at risk of harm. Saying so upfront builds trust.
If they don't want to talk
That is OK. Let them know the door is open. Some teens find it easier to text, write a note, or talk to another trusted adult such as an aunt, coach or teacher. Mind's guide has suggestions for other ways to offer support when a young person does not want to talk (Mind).
Getting more help
If you are worried, a GP appointment is a good first step. Many teenagers can be seen on their own. You can also:
- call the YoungMinds Parents Helpline on 0808 802 5544 (YoungMinds)
- encourage your teen to contact Childline on 0800 1111, or text SHOUT to 85258
- in an emergency, or if your teen is at immediate risk, call 999
How MySafeTherapy can help
Our teen stories let young people aged 12 to 16 work through real situations, such as group chat pressure or changing friendships, privately and at their own pace. Private reflections are never saved. Many parents find that a story they have both seen gives an easy, low-stakes way to start talking. Try MySafeTherapy Teens, or activities such as Stress plan and Self-advocacy, which build the skills to ask for help.
You can try MySafeTherapy grow free.
If you or your child would like more support, MySafeTherapy also offers therapy for families. You can talk with a qualified, UK-registered therapist online, whether that is a parent consultation about what is happening at home, one-to-one support for your own stress or low mood, or family sessions. Find a therapist at MySafeTherapy.
Your own mental health matters too
Looking after a child who is struggling can affect your own wellbeing. If you have been feeling low, anxious or overwhelmed for more than a couple of weeks, talking therapy can help. In England you can refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies without seeing a GP, or speak to your GP anywhere in the UK. The YoungMinds Parents Helpline (0808 802 5544) offers free advice to parents worried about their child.
Sources
This article is general information, not medical advice. If you're worried about your child or yourself, speak to your GP, or call NHS 111. In an emergency call 999.